In Rwanda today, marriage is facing a crisis we can no longer ignore. The rise in divorces has spiked dramatically. 2025 alone recorded 4,479 divorces, with half of them coming from Kigali City. Even more alarming is the timing: most couples separate within five to nine years of marriage, and many even earlier, between zero to four years. These figures for us to ask: what are we missing in our marriages? Are we truly preparing young men and women for what marriage requires, or are we lying to ourselves with half-truths and outdated traditions?
Young people call for an honest dialogue
Marriage is not just a private matter—it is a social institution. As a society, we must come together, across generations, to have a genuine conversation about who we are, how we live, and what values we want to uphold. Without the dialogue, we risk perpetuating practices that do more harm than good.
The Burden of Dowry
One of the questions young people keep asking themselves is the relevance of dowry—why still dowry?? What was once a gesture of appreciation has now become a heavy burden. We have moved from a market economy, where goods and services are exchanged, to a market society, where even relationships and emotional attachments are treated as commodities. In this shift, marriage itself is being eroded—love is no longer seen as a bond but as a transaction.
As a young man, I worry about the psychological impact of these traditions. The idea that “I paid for her; therefore, she must obey me” is toxic. It reduces marriage to ownership rather than partnership. The mindset undermines respect, dialogue, and equality within families, planting seeds of conflict that often in these divorces.
Women’s Empowerment and Equality
Times have changed. Women today are educated, employed, financially empowered, and running businesses. If equal opportunities exist, why does a price tag remain attached to marriage? Why must love and partnership be reduced to a financial transaction? These contradictions reveal the urgent need to rethink our cultural practices in light of modern realities.
Marriage should not be about dowry, ownership, or transactions. It should be about partnership, respect, and shared responsibility. If we continue to put a price on love, we will keep seeing marriages collapse before they even reach a decade. As a society, we must stop pressuring young men into dowries, stop commodifying women, and start building marriages on values that truly matter—trust, equality, and a human rights approach. And beyond marriage, we must also confront the realities of gender identity, stigma, and mental health. Only then can we safeguard the future of our families and our society.
This article is written by a communication expert whose work focuses on the role of dialogue and collective engagement in addressing societal challenges. He believes that communication is not just about exchanging words but about creating spaces where communities can come together, confront difficult issues, and find common ground for lasting solutions.
